I'm kinda sad. Confusing thoughts.

I want to talk with you...
It feels so little. It seems to be never enough for me... I always want to talk with you. Am I going crazy...?
I feel lonely. sometimes. Most of the times. Not that I'm really alone without anyone around me, but it feels like there's no one here. So... I'm lonely. When will I speak with you again?
Maybe it doesn't have to be you, I just want to talk with someone. Distract my mind. Distract my mind from stress, sad thoughts, distract my mind from you. As if you were the only good thing I could think of. You aren't, you aren't. There are so many good things. Right? Right... Why can't I tell?
There are so many things, but you seem to be the only one I'm able notice. I miss you. So much.
I'm crazy, aren't I...?
Like, wtf... This is not good. This can't be good.
But when you're not here, everything is so boring and stressful, and kinda sad. I can only think in when I will see you again. When we will talk again. I can't concentrate on other things, and I wait... I know you are busy, I used to be as well. I'm supposed to be even more busy now, but I can't really concentrate properly. For many reasons, uh.
I end up sending too many messages... So annoying. Really. And confusing. I should stop. I really should. I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to bother you. That's why I'm writing here... Because I want to talk with someone. That someone can be myself... So I keep writing here. And crying as well. Still thinking about you. I feel so stupid. Why do I care so much...
Do I have the right to be like this? After all I've done. Ugh. I'm awful.
I'm starting to think bad stuff... That's definitively not good.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, really. For being so stupid. Maybe you don't really want to talk with me. Maybe you don't even care. Maybe  I'm annoying you so much that you are starting to avoid me. Run away from me. Maybe you just misunderstood things and never really liked me. Lies. Lies. More lies. My mind loves to create lies, but I hate them. Stupid.
Those lies are starting to get bigger on my mind. I tell myself they are just lies my mind creates, but then they get stick like glue and I ask myself: are they really lies?
I don't know. You could tell me. You tell me. But sometimes my mind also doubt about it. What? Does that mean I don't trust you? Is that so? Eh... is that so... I don't think so, tho... It's just my mind playing around with me. She is kinda sadistic or so it seems. She loves to make me feel insecure and afraid of everything and sad and anxious and bad. And I, a perfect fool, fall for her tricks. Yeah. That's what I am, a fool. Dumb fool. Stupid. What am I even doing with my life... I'm sorry. I'm such a disappointment.

Yeah pity me.
Because I have such a great life.
And I keep complaining.
Over nothing.
Over these feelings based on nothing.
Drama queen.
Unnecessary.
Alright.
I get it.
This is so stupid.
What am I even doing.
I'm sorry.
Bye.
But I guess I should say sorry to myself as well.
i should love myself some more...
I'm not that bad, am I?
Yes, I think I am that bad, but I don't trust me, so there's still a chance I'm not.

Good night~